Jimbo's Jots

I have been working with engaged couples and married couples for a number of years. One of the bits of information I share with them is to practice good communication. Jerry Brackney, long time friend and father figure, once said talking about communication, “Communication is like blood to the body. If there is no blood, then the body doesn’t live. If there is no communication, then there is no life in the relationship.”

So, as I work with couples, I use an assessment that reveals what is going in with this couple. The assessment measures how well the couple communicates. We explore aspects of communication by talking about being assertive is speaking and practicing good listening.

Every once is while, I deal with a couple that has trouble with communication. And I had an AHA! moment as I was sitting with a couple recently. Sometimes, communication is like playing Jenga. We know the premise of the game – don’t be the one that pulls the block that causes the tower to fall. What I see sometimes is one partner declares something needs to happen in the relationship, aka pulls the first block. The second partner then makes their play be either trying to defend himself or herself or dismissing what their partner just said, aka second block pulled. Then, the pattern is the back and forth with “play after play” until the tower falls. In the relationship game, either the couple begins to search for answers with their pastor or a counselor or they begin to look for a way out.

We start to put the tower back together and start all over. This time, I begin to teach them about appropriate and helpful communication. We start with learning how to be assertive in our communication. Then we also teach the best way to listen.

Let’s put in to practice the words of James: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” (1:19-20)

May our words in all of our relationships be patient, kind, words that do not envy, do not boast, and are not proud. Words that do not dishonor others, are not self-seeking, are not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs.  Words that do not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Our words should always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere . . . words that never fail. (paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Then everyone one wins!!