Jimbo's Jots

You could say I’m an eternal optimist. As we talked about last week in a reflection on Shaunti Felhahan’s book, The Good News about Marriage: , when a couple or even a person, has hope there is a greater chance for success in the marriage. I always tell conflicted couples that it’s not as bad as they see. Of course, I don’t usually see the day to day encounters these couples have. But I always try to look for ways to encourage hope and growth to them.

So, as we continue in our discussion based on Feldhahn’s research in her book, we are reminded there is HOPE. Let me add this little caveat – information can be skewed in any way the researcher wants to interpret they receive. So, we need to take all research based data with a bit of caution and trust that the researcher states with a sense of non-bias. Having said that, let’s dive in . . .

The first myth that Feldhahn debunks is the divorce rate hovers around 50%. In fact, divorces rates on an annual basis have been dropping. Based on census reports since early 1980 through 2011, the divorce rate has fallen from 5.3 to 3.6 per 1000 adults. The good news is 72 percent of those who have been married are still married to their first spouse!!

Feldhahn adds there are several factors leading to successful relationships and also decreasing the number of divorces. Some are encouraging while others can give a cause for concern.

• Factor 1 – With the 1970s came the “no fault” divorce. After the initial rush to get divorces early on, it leveled to it’s peak in the early 1980s and has been declining since.
• Factor 2 – Demographic reasons are considered. Several of these are open for review: couples are getting married later in life, couples are choosing to live together before they are willing to get married, college education, first marriage, the length of the marriage.
• Factor 3 – If 72 percent of marriages are successful, the other 28 percent doesn’t necessarily mean an end with divorce. As Feldhahn reports, there is no way to distinguish which of these marriages ended in divorce or widowed. She adds that a best guess scenario is around 10 percent marriages ended with the death of the first spouse.

Let me add a fourth factor which is not in Feldhahn’s research – sight. How do we look at people? Do we view people each created in the image of God? Created masterfully by the great artist? In relationships, especially in our marriage, if we look at our spouse as a piece of art God has given us to be enjoyed by us. It becomes like this relationship is a gallery for the whole world to see! Because it’s never as bad as we think it is!

Be blessed and be a blessing!