Jimbo's Jots

Most of the time, not all, if a couple is seeking counseling services, there is conflict and brokenness. Even in premarital counseling, sometimes ministers or counselors will talk about the hard work that needs to be put into practice in order for a marriage to work.

A while ago, I used this platform to look at Gary Thomas’ book, “Sacred Marriage”. The premise of Thomas’ book is that God designed a husband and wife to bring each other closer in their walk with God, not to make us happy. Now, we really need to view how happiness is measured. If we are searching for our own personal happiness and rely on our spouse to make us happy, then we may be sorely disappointed. However, if we follow what Thomas says in his book, leading each other to a holy relationship with God can and will lead to a sense of happiness.

But, most people don’t follow Thomas’ understanding of happiness. We measure happiness on whether we feel good in our current relationship at this point in time.

Shauti Feldhahn’s book, The Good News about Marriage, tackles the second myth that says most people believe that married people are not happy with their marriage. So, I decided to check her premise by asking my church members in a poll. Here is Feldhahn’s question that I used: “What percentage of couples are happy in their marriage?”

First, Feldhahn discovered through her own survey of couples that 80% of them are actually happy in their marriage. Now, most people believe that the opposite is true. In fact, my own little survey of Plymouth Church of Christ members supported the myth rather than the facts. Here is the breakdown of possible responses in my little survey: 0-25%, 25-50%, 50-75% and 75-100%. When asked, here is how the responses went: 13 total responses, 6 – 50-75%, 4 -25-50%, 2 – 0-25%, and one N/A. So, in my little survey, all of the responders perceive most marriages are not has happy as what we know. Now, if I were to follow up and maybe ask the responders, “Are you generally happy in your marriage?” My guess is most would say yes they are generally happy in their marriage.

Second, Feldhahn also reports other studies on the happiness of marriage reported by couples that support her premise with data results showing as high as 97% of couples responding.

So, know that most couples are happy, regardless of what society thinks or understands. And know too, that those couples would add that they would do it all over again if given the chance.

God bless our marriages and let them be a blessing to others!